Ohhhhh

Last Girl is in New Orleans for New Year's Eve. She just tweeted that a button popped off her blouse in the airport. It makes my penis ache.

But tonight I will be with my girlfriend. I will kiss her at midnight and we will tell each other we love each other, and mean it.

I'm in a good place. I really am. It's not her fault I never wanted to be here.

Yum

Fortunately this secretary's granddaughter isn't on the "tights are not pants" kick some of my other hot lady friends are.

Curiously the one who's most irate about this wonderful booty revealing trend could absolutely rock that look. Must be a generational thing.

So awesome

Girlfriend notes:

Threatening to fuck her ear: no effect

The phrase "kitty strap on": completely horrifying.

I think I'm starting to figure this chick out.

Sheesh

Oh, nerdy guy who talks about his super coolness is great friends with the flat- chested girl in a bustier and hot pants in the STRIP BAR! Shocked!

Stripper stuff

I'm at a stripper contest. Remind me to elaborate on that.

Relationships are fail (but not mine)

The only thing I like about my relationship is the woman it's with. Seriously, she's amazing. She's a pretty redhead built like a brick shithouse. She's reasonable, way not into mind games or traps and she never criticizes me in public. Not even the mild rebukes I hear our couple friends make towards each other. I, of course reciprocate. Don't piss off the redhead.

I'd be a fucking moron to walk away from that, even if I had the guts.

But fuck I HATE relationships. The compromise, the emotional vulnerability, the monogamy. When we're apart I constantly fantasize about being single. About the chick on the bus this morning with the little black dress and the curly still-wet hair. Three years ago there would have been a grin and a hello there. Now I just try not to look.

But then I get a text message with a kiss. Then I get home to those soft pink lips and I think gilded cages aren't so bad if there's enough cushions. Double-D cushions.

Although frankly compromising is the more consistent grief. But this isn't a blog about compromising, is it? I've been meaning to dredge up some of my choice memories to entertain my readers. What about? Last Girl and the night and day difference between the first fuck and the second? The sub's ass I fucked while she was on her back and how I could feel the vibrating egg in her pussy through her body? The high energy chick whose face I gave its first cum glazing? Getting my dick sucked on the balcony of a side street apartment? What do you think?

I am filled with hate

Or maybe it's ennui.

I'm at a bar. The bartender is a close friend. It's his last day, and, well.

There's this nearby bar that had two of the most beautiful women in town slinging drinks. One of them is married, one of them isn't.

Almost three years ago a wonderful woman snared me. And right now, this actual instant, my close friend is fucking the non-married super hot bartender chick in this bar's office. He told me he's never had sex in the office, in eight years of getting more ass than a public toilet. So this chick offered to rectify that on his last day.

Me and dude had been chatting, he goes upstairs and she walks in maybe ten minutes later. Black minidress, hooker boots. Fuck. She asked the waitress where he was, waitress didn't know. I told her (after the waitress had left, I'm discrete) "he's upstairs". So maybe I spoiled his shit. But probably not.

Only on rare occasion do I really hate having a girlfriend, especially an awesome girlfriend who I love.

This is one of them.